Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
