so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
