how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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