But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
