Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
