her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
