I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The convent might be a nice break from real life
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
