Did you just see the Batmobile???
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize