operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize