Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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