for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
