He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
