Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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