I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
