I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
this boner is exhausting
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
