Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
