I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
