Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize