i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
