Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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