He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You dont lie about slip and slides
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
