Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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