I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
