Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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