Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
well, you know. whores of a feather.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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