we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
