I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
