I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
