She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
