you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
