how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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