...so i touched it.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
nutella sex= disaster
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
