Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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