When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
