His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
