i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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