I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
