i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
