True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize