so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
