quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
