Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
