I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize