Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
