So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
