HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She needs sedatives and a leash
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
How does one acquire holy water?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
