I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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