i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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