So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
