You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
