we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
