mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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