were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize