I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
