so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
