the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
