First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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