it was like eating out sand paper
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize