Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
ugly people sure do ruin things
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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