Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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