I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
