If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I think your dad took our porno
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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