Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
