Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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