So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
