wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
