I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
