Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
