I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
