Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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