Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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