It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
