dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
