Your tits are I can't wait for
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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