please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
