you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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