He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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