I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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