Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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