end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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