I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I checked into jail on foursquare
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize