I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
