Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
